I dont want to mess this up, could it be too much to say I'm in...? 

Welp, we've been here before, right? I promise I won't bore you with the "how long it's been" or "I plan on doing XYZ..." - we are just gonna pick it back up and keep it going, all right guys? ☺️ There's so much to talk about and catch up on since its literally been over a year since we've chatted (just said I wouldn't say this, right?).  There's a name change to my blog domain - I've purchased Birth of a Fashion Blogger, but I am having the hardest time linking it to the blog.  No clue how to get all of my comments back in Disqus either - if anyone has any tips, please help ya girl out! #struggling 😩 Also, a whole year older and embracing the 40's!  It's kinda strange saying my age to folks, especially since I was saying that I was 40 the year prior (y'all, this pandemic has taken a toll on the essence of time for me - not sure if I am coming, going or what year it is)!  It's fine, I am just loving being across that new threshold.

top + skirt: shein || booties: justfab || bag: house of rehab

Another thing to talk about is how my not-so-little girl started high school this year 😟 y'all, HIGH SCHOOL!!  Who told her that she could grow up?  I am almost heart-broken at the fact that both of my children are their present ages.  Caryss, 14 y.o. (going on 25) and Cal, almost 22!  I don't know about y'all, but I don't think I ever factored in that my babies were ever going to grow up.  What do you do when your little ones aren't so little anymore?  If I let hubby have his way, we would be welcoming a new bundle of joy, but that's a definite no for me dog! 🙅🏾‍♀️ I miss them being my little babies, but we are certainly not starting ALL the way over!
Deep end, swimming in my feelings...
I been here before, but it feels like I'm drowning!
Sinking am I overthinking?
Tell me am I foolish to think you'd meet me here?

Getting into something way more personal and very serious is the subject of mental health.  A lot of people don't take this serious, and I was one of those people until earlier this year when the unthinkable happened.  I can't narrow life down to one thing specifically that made me "spiral", but I do know that what the world has been going through for the last 2.5 years, coupled with unanswered questions about my mother and I's relationship and work, I nearly gave up.  It was to the point where I'd lost like 15-20 pounds because I wasn't eating, my sleep pattern was extinct (I couldn't sleep making me extremely tired the entire day), my emotions were literally all over the place, it was like living a nightmare for the 1st half of this year.  

What helped me is my support system.  I know not everyone going through similar situations have a good foundation to rely on, so I am incredibly thankful for my tribe!  My husband, my children, my doctor, my leader at work - ALL of these people literally helped me through such a dark moment.  Tearing up as I type this because it was one of the worst times of my life.  Somehow, I was able to breathe again, regain control of my thoughts and emotions.  I can't lie - I still have those "days", but with everything that I've learned and those around me, I know how to cope and allow myself to go through whatever I am at that moment!  I've definitely have gained that weight back and been sleeping better, so things are on the mend BUT if you are going through something, even if you are as stubborn as I am, please, please, PLEASE, talk to someone.

going down cause I know that it's you I see in my dreams, I'm...
going down, let me drown over you living in my dream!

You guys, I seriously LOVE writing these posts out!  I have to make time to keep my hobbies going strong.  I've been so busy with the kids school life, trying to have some kind of alone time with the hubs and WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK (<- a-WHOLE-nother kind of work y'all, lol)!  Planning out my weeks, I've noticed that I haven't done ANY of the things that calm me - the blog, Youtube, working out - all on the back burner.  We will chat in about a month to see how these are going.  I guess you will know if you don't see anything up here for a while.  Starting small with once a week, but the plan is to get up to 2.

Heart you guys and I hope that you are all doing well!!

linking up with these beauties this week!